In Learn to Grow Old, Dr. Paul Tournier first diagnoses, then prescribes, treatment for the ills of the retired person in society. Although he is speaking about Swiss society of the late 60s and early 70s, I find a comment on almost every page that applies to me and my peers or to my parents and theirs. The central thesis of the first half of the book seems to be that if retirement is to be successful, preparation, not financial but mental and logistical, must begin well in advance.
I think I can't wait to not have to work, because I am exhausted, but I know that the contact with young people, the mental challenge, and the structure to my week are valuable to my mental health. I have seen some people just shrivel up in retirement, especially if it was a forced, "golden parachute" situation. But there are so many interesting and important things to do besides work-- how can I be bored in retirement??
Tournier feels that when we are at the height of our earning powers, the time we have left at the end of the day often cannot include great challenges. Most people can't write a novel or paint beautifully in the 2 hours they have in the evening after work-- although I know some who do!
But the majority of working age people find their evenings and weekends consumed with caregiving, community service and the simple tasks of daily life, and count themselves lucky if they can get the chance to putt a few holes or stitch a bit on a needlework project over the weekend. Such people-- and I am sometimes one-- imagine retirement as a sort of earthly heaven consisting only of these hobbies and leisure activities that we can't get enough of now. But those same people find, when the day comes, that knitting, TV and golf are really not enough to hold their attention.
Tournier says we must instead imagine retirement as an opportunity to pursue employment of our time, our hands, and our minds that will actually challenge our capacities. He reminds me of Viktor Frankl, who taught that the wellspring of mental health was a sense of meaning. Just so, an older person needs a purpose, and leisure activities and hobbies may not be enough to satisfy this need. That is why preparation for retirement must begin well in advance, as we identify and begin to dip into the gifts, the passions and even the neglected skills we will be able to pursue when we have less structured days.
As Tournier says, "A second career is like a plant whose seed has been sown in the midst of a person's active life, which has taken root, which has developed tentatively at first, but which bears all its fruit in retirement." (p. 125)
Tournier does recognize that there are both societal and individual obstacles to living meaningfully during retirement. No amount of personal planning can overcome the prejudice against old people that was certainly present in the 70s and has by no means improved since then. We look down on those activities of our own that are not visibly productive, so we look down on those who are no longer able to be visibly productive at all.
We are consumed by technology, so we leave behind those who can't keep up. In family gatherings, we speak over our older members about swiftly-moving pop-culture topics, and don't give them time to contribute what might be valuable perspectives. We marginalize old people as we used to marginalize young people, as being messy, unattractive and uninteresting. We regulate retirement so that it must occur at a certain age and all at once, rather than through gradual reduction of the workload as each person is able.
With such marginalization and lack of recognition of the individual, how is a retired person to find meaning?
In addition to these discriminatory public attitudes, there are the many circumstances that conspire to prevent many older people from moving forward. As any of us discover if we are out of work for a stretch of time, or try to take a "stay-cation," there seem to be an infinite number of small tasks that instantly expand to fill our day, so all our well-laid plans for self-improvement, community service, learning and creating go by the wayside.
Some have been forced to retire before they could really afford it, while others are forced to keep working to the detriment of their health. Many really don't have the extra money that makes them both respected in the marketplace and independent with respect to their families. They may not be able to afford the tools or tuitions for the projects that would provide their free time with meaning.
Older people may become increasingly isolated-- especially if they are required to move to a facility. There, it is very difficult for all but the most socially gifted people to form true friendships, since people who have nothing in common except their age are just stuck in a room together. In real life, as opposed to in a movie, the other inmates of a care facility are not Judy Dench and Dame Maggie Smith-- they may have very different interests from oneself, and they are all, by virtue of their presence in such a place, more or less in medical crisis, which makes it difficult to reach out.
When one can't drive, one is completely dependent on the schedules and convenience of others to have a social life. Tournier talks about the villa he and his wife chose for retirement, walkable to town and family, but most parts of the US are not walkable, most families do not all live in the same town, and even so, excellent health is required to be able to enjoy this non-driving lifestyle.
Yes, it seems to me that health, or lack thereof, is a major determiner of how well one can enjoy retirement. I might plan all kinds of philanthropic and creative pursuits for my golden years, but if I become too ill to carry them out, will I have the mental flexibility to think of something I can do, like Tournier's friends who can paint, if not walk, or watch the winds, if nothing else?
Tournier is a strong advocate of accepting one's limitations and determining to work within them. He says, and I agree, "those who are most in rebellion against their misfortunes put up less of a fight to overcome them than those who accept them." I hope that if I become too disabled to do anything else, I will be able to find peace and purpose in prayer... but I can't promise anything.
