Subtitled "Why English Won't-- and Can't-- Sit Still (Like, Literally)", the purpose of this book is to make the case that it is predictable, okay and actually kind of fun that "people" insist on using words incorrectly. McWhorter is all, "Language change is inevitable! Embrace it!" Then he's like, "If we didn't write it down, you wouldn't even realize it was changing!" (PS He also says that there are wrong uses-- those that are idiosyncratic and therefore unintelligible. Which brings up a chicken-and-egg question: where did these not-ready-for-prime-time yet widely accepted uses, like alternate expressions for "he said," come from? Didn't somebody have to be the first person to use them? Sadly, this question is not addressed.)
McWhorter first introduces us to the idea that besides the parts of speech we learned about in Schoolhouse Rock, English is full of words the primary purpose of which is to clarify the emotional content and grease the social wheels of the conversation. He posits that these words are doing one or more of four jobs. The first is to address issues of factuality. Here's where he addresses the dreaded "literally." His claim is that while "literally" can literally mean "literally"-- by the letter of what I am saying-- as in, "It was literally 6 below on the back porch," it has, in a completely normal process that many other words we use every day have already undergone, completed a metamorphosis to also mean "This is obviously an exaggeration that could not possibly be true but that accurately expresses my emotional state." So, for this usage, if it was +2 degrees Farenheit, you can say, "I was literally freezing my toes off," because it was indeed very ("verily") cold, but we can check-- your toes are still there. You are exaggerating the factual information to get across the experiential information. But you can't say "It was literally 6 below," because we can check, but we're not going to, and we will now be misinformed about the temperature. You also can't say, "It was literally 70 degrees" in San Diego, because it's always 70 degrees in San Diego, and whether "literally" is used literally or figuratively, it always conveys a sense that something is happening counter to expectations, which brings us to the next two functions of these kinds of words.
Acknowledgement recognizes that not only the speaker but also the hearer has knowledge and feelings about the information being shared. This is the obvious task of "you know." It is also the important task of such underrated words and phenomena as changing the subject with the word "So..." which, in that context, does not mean "therefore," but rather serves as a sort of "new paragraph" marker in speech. The much-maligned habit of uptalk: "So I was coming home from work yesterday? And I saw a squirrel?" is doing the same thing, inviting the listener to confirm that he is with you, much as you might sing, "I met him at the candy store-- he turned around and smiled at me, you get the picture?" Beginning a sentence with "well" can also be part of this way of speaking, but I think the author underrates its function as a marker that a condescending explanation is on the way. The explainer is hoping that the "well" will soften the blow of the disagreeing factuality marker "actually" that immediately follows, but the gambit is transparent, and now we all know where a mansplainer gets his water.
"Totally" often also expresses some counterexpectation: "Do you think I'll get the job?" "They'll totally hire you. They'd be idiots not to." Mild vulgarity will now ensue as I use my favorite example of a counterexpectational marker: the suffix "-ass." I first started paying attention to this marker after I heard it used in a staff meeting. The usage was something like this: "What are we going to tell students about problem 24? It looks fairly straightforward, but it turns into this big-ass problem that most of them don't have time for." For some reason, I found it hilarious to describe a math problem as "big-ass." But I began to realize, to my continued amusement, that just about anything can be described this way as long as it is bigger than anyone could have reasonably expected. So, you can't have a big-ass whale, because all whales are big. But you can have a big-ass rodent. Note that this word seems to be doing a different job from either of the uses of "literally," because the thing of unusual size must be, as far as I have ever heard, an actual noun that can take the adjective "big." That said, this versatile little marker of surprising largeness can be appended to all kinds of words: you can have a "grown-ass man" and a "long-ass book" and maybe even a "cold-ass day," although I still think most people would prefer to say they are "literally freezing my ass off."
The final need in our language is for easing, that is, making the listener feel more comfortable. IRL we laugh, chuckle, nod, and smile to take the edge off what we are saying, but in writing we "LOL" or "haha" or maybe just 😀. Much has been written about the rapid evolution of these easing words, and I follow it with interest so that my texts and emails won't alarm people haha or make them roll their eyes at my out-of-it-ness 😆, but I wouldn't dream of trying to summarize it here.
Instead, I will talk about the beautiful word "like," which seems to do all four of these jobs, sometimes more than one at a time.
"Like" is one hard-working word. It can mean "in the same way as" ("like a boss") or "resembling a,"and, of course, on Facebook it is primarily an indicator of acknowledgement, but it does lots of other good things. It can gradiate factuality, signal counterexpectation, and ease dialog-- and it has become a dialogue marker. Consider this conversation:
"The jury I was on had to decide on, like, 17 separate charges!"
"Actually, it was 20."
"Yeah, so, like twenty charges! So I was like, 'You guys, we can't get through all these before lunch! We have to, like, order in!"
In three sentences "like" has 1) signaled that the speaker is giving you an approximation 2) let you know that the word following is both true and unexpected 3)introduced a direct quote and 4) moderated a command to become a suggestion so the listeners could accept it more easily. Noice!
So as the language changes all around you, while writing and the SAT struggle -- or don't even try-- to keep up, don't get mad-- have fun with it! Join in, experiment and rejoice in all the ways we can express ourself with our beautiful language!
